Not judging
Sometimes we think someone is weird just because they're different. Let's learn to take off the judging glasses!
"The weird one," "the stuck-up girl," "the fake." Labels stick fast and last for years. This route teaches you to get to know someone before deciding who they are.
We judge all the time, almost always without knowing anything about the other person's life. This route doesn't ask you to stop having opinions: it teaches you to see before you judge.
Lessons start at age 6. If you care for a younger child, here are ideas to plant this now, in everyday routines.
Each age has its own progress. People of the same age share this space and its logbook in this browser.
Based on cited studies. Not yet reviewed by an outside professional.It starts before age 6
- Let them meet many faces, voices and languages: the park, the market, picture books with kids from everywhere.
- When talking about others, describe what they do, not what they are: “That boy is crying”, not “What a crybaby”.
- If they point at someone different (“That man has no hair!”), don’t hush them in shame. Answer calmly, without mocking.
- When someone does something odd, ask: “Why do you think they did that?”. Come up with several reasons together.
It is normal: Saying out loud everything they see, even when it embarrasses you. They’re learning, not offending.
Source: Kelly, D. J., et al. (2007). The other-race effect develops during infancy. Psychological Science, 18(12). This does not replace a pediatrician: if anything about their development worries you, ask.
A story to read together
To read with an adult and talk about afterward.
- Four Little Corners
A little square can't fit through the round friends' door. Should he change, or should the door?
View on Open LibraryRead it with an adult
Thinking someone is weird, dumb or mean without knowing them.
You feel like laughing at someone or not letting them play.
More friends and a break time where nobody is alone!
Putting a label on someone because of one detail, without knowing their life.
You laugh with the group, share screenshots and believe what everyone says.
Friends you didn't expect and a group where nobody is afraid to be who they are.
Deciding who someone is because of one detail, without knowing their life.
You have opinions about everyone, put labels on people and comment on what you don't know.
Fewer fights, more people close to you and a little more peace with yourself.
Ten lessons, in order
Each one takes about 15 minutes (about 8 in the kids' version, done with an adult). We mark the next one for you, but they are all open.
- 10 short lessons
- Simulators to rehearse
- 7-day practice
- A badge at the end
- Songs for the road
- Books to read on
- Ideas for families, even before age 6
- Up nextThe mirror 🪞Do my judging glasses go on?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe glasses' tricks 🎭How do I notice?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhy do they go on? 🤔Where do the glasses come from?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextIf the glasses are the boss 🌧️What happens if I don't take them off?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe compass 🧭What is someone like who doesn't judge?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextYour tricks 🚦How do I take off the glasses?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextFix it 🤝How do I fix what happened?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextTricky situations 💪What do I do if this happens?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextMy superhero plan 🦸What am I going to do?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextYou made it! 🏅What changed?8 min · ✓ Done
- 7-day practiceOptional, after lesson 10. Each day is a 15 to 30 minute experiment in three parts: you get ready, you do it, and you look at what happened.
- Up nextThe mirrorDoes this happen to me?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhat it looks likeHow do I recognize it?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhere it comes fromWhy do we judge so fast?12 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhat it costsWhat do I lose if I keep judging?12 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe compassWhat does someone who does it differently look like?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextTools for the momentWhat do I do when it shows up?12 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextTools to repairHow do I fix an unfair judgment?12 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextDifficult situationsWhat do I do if this happens to me?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextYour planWhat am I going to do?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe closeWhat changed?12 min · ✓ Done
- 7-day practiceOptional, after lesson 10. Each day is a 15 to 30 minute experiment in three parts: you get ready, you do it, and you look at what happened.
- Up nextThe mirrorDoes this happen to me?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhat it looks likeHow do I recognize it?12 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhere it comes fromWhy do we judge so fast?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhat it costsWhat do I lose if I keep judging?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe compassWhat does someone who does it differently look like?12 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextTools for the momentWhat do I do when judgment shows up?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextTools to repairHow do I fix an unfair judgment?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextDifficult situationsWhat do I do if this happens to me?20 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextYour planWhat am I going to do?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe closeWhat changed?15 min · ✓ Done
- 7-day practiceOptional, after lesson 10. Each day is a 15 to 30 minute experiment in three parts: you get ready, you do it, and you look at what happened.
The image only has the badge, the route name and a quote. Nothing you wrote.
Songs that go with this route
Chosen by the person who wrote this route. Play them whenever you want to remember what you learned.
- BeautifulChristina Aguilera
Sung from the other side: the person being judged. Words don’t decide who someone is.
Songs that go with this route
Chosen by the person who wrote this route. Play them whenever you want to remember what you learned.
- BeautifulChristina Aguilera
Sung from the other side: the person being judged. Words don’t decide who someone is.
A story to read together
To read with an adult and talk about afterward.
- Four Little Corners
A little square can't fit through the round friends' door. Should he change, or should the door?
View on Open LibraryRead it with an adult
Books to go deeper
If this route left you wanting more, these books go the same way.
- Wonder
August starts school with a face that looks different. Told by him and by the people who judged him first.
View on Open Library
Books to go deeper
If this route left you wanting more, these books go the same way.
- Thinking, Fast and Slow
Why we judge in a second and get it wrong so often. The science behind this route.
View on Open Library
How to talk about this at home and in class
What teaches the most
- That they hear you ask before giving an opinion about someone.
- That they see you treat people who think, believe or love differently with respect.
- That they hear you say "I was wrong about that person."
Phrases that help
Dinner game
The three-reasons game: someone tells something they saw ("the man on the bus was really angry") and everyone makes up a different reason that could explain it. The kindest reason wins.
With teenagers
Don't ask them not to have opinions: ask what people say in their class and who is having a hard time. If they tell you about mockery or a callout, listen before giving a lecture. And watch what you say about others in front of them: they hear everything.
Before age 6
Routes start at age 6, but this is planted earlier. Ideas for everyday routines, no special sessions.
- Let them meet many faces, voices and languages: the park, the market, picture books with kids from everywhere.
- When talking about others, describe what they do, not what they are: “That boy is crying”, not “What a crybaby”.
- If they point at someone different (“That man has no hair!”), don’t hush them in shame. Answer calmly, without mocking.
- When someone does something odd, ask: “Why do you think they did that?”. Come up with several reasons together.
It is normal: Saying out loud everything they see, even when it embarrasses you. They’re learning, not offending.
Source: Kelly, D. J., et al. (2007). The other-race effect develops during infancy. Psychological Science, 18(12). This does not replace a pediatrician: if anything about their development worries you, ask.