Tricky situations 💪
What do I do if this happens? · 10 min
Difficult situations
What do I do if this happens to me? · 15 min
Difficult situations
What do I do if this happens to me? · 20 min
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The little voice shows up in everyday moments. Let's practice, so that when it really happens you already know what to do.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
How to play
There are five situations. In each one, choose what you'd do and see what happens. You can do some today and some tomorrow.
You lose a game
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
What do you do?
Throw the game down and say it's dumb.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. 😣 Nobody wants to play anymore.
“Good game! Again?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🙂 You keep playing!
The trick: breathe and say “good game!”. Losing a game doesn't take anything away from you.
You didn't get to be first in line
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
What do you do?
Push to get to the front.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. 😣 You get sent to the back.
Wait your turn.
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🙂 You get there anyway.
The trick: remember the last seat from the compass.
A friend says you made a mistake
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
What do you do?
“That's not true! You don't know anything!”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. 😣 You fight.
“Oh, really? Why?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🙂 You learn something.
The trick: ask before you fight.
Your brother wins a prize
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
What do you do?
“That's not a big deal.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. 😣 Your brother gets sad.
“Congratulations!” and a hug.
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🙂 Your brother is happy, and so are you.
The trick: what someone else gets doesn't take away what's yours.
You need to say sorry to a friend
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
What do you do?
Act like nothing happened.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. 😣 Your friend is still sad.
Sorry in three steps.
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🙂 You play together again!
The trick: what I did · it was my fault · how can I fix it?
Act it out
Act out together the situation that happens to the child most. Then switch roles.
Choose one trick and use it today.
Which of the five situations happens to you most?
Your superhero plan!
Finish and go to lesson 9 →Knowing what's right is easy. Doing it when the whole class is watching is something else. This lesson is a rehearsal: so that when it really happens, it isn't the first time.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
How to use this lesson
There are five situations. You can do them in order or go straight to the one that helps you most, and you can do the lesson in two sittings. In each one you choose what to answer and see what happens.
A teacher corrects you in front of the class
Inside. Embarrassment. You feel like everyone's looking at you. The urge to talk back or sink into your chair.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
The teacher: «That's wrong. Anyone else?»
A few people laugh. What do you do?
“Well, nobody understands how you explain things anyway.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. Now you have a problem with the teacher.
You cross your arms and stop participating.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. You miss the rest of the class.
“Oh, okay. What was the answer?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. The teacher explains. Nobody remembers the mistake five minutes later.
Step by step
- In the moment: one short sentence. You don't have to defend yourself.
- Afterward: if it was unfair or humiliating, talk to the teacher privately or to an adult you trust.
- Remember: almost nobody paid as much attention as you think.
You lose a game and they make fun of you
Inside. Anger, embarrassment, the urge to hit back or blame someone.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
Someone on the other team: «You guys are so bad!»
You yell something worse back.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. It ends in a fight.
You blame a teammate.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. You lose the game and the team.
“Good game.” And you leave with your team.
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. You didn't win the game, but you didn't lose anything else.
Step by step
- In the moment: breathe. Shake hands with the other team.
- Afterward: talk about what you can improve, not about whose fault it was.
If it goes wrong. If you blamed someone, tell the team: “That pass was on me.”
Someone contradicts you in the group chat
Inside. Heat in your face. Your fingers are already typing.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
Someone in the group: «lol what a dumb opinion.»
You reply with an insult.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. The chat fills up with messages. Nobody changes their mind.
You send twenty messages explaining why you're right.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. They mute you.
You wait ten minutes and write: “Maybe we don't agree, all good.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. The conversation moves on.
Step by step
- In the moment: the ten-minute rule.
- If it really matters to you: talk privately or in person, never by shouting in the group.
If it goes wrong. If you already insulted someone, a short message in the group: “I went too far. Sorry.” No “but”.
A friend is better than you at what you love most
Inside. Anger, envy, wanting them to fail or wanting to quit.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
Your friend wins the drawing contest you also entered.
“The judges were probably his friends.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. You lose a friend and gain nothing.
You stop drawing.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. You lose something you loved.
“It looks amazing. How did you do the shading?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. You learn something, and your friend teaches you.
Step by step
- In the moment: be happy for him out loud.
- Afterward: ask yourself what you can learn.
- Remember: what someone else gets doesn't take away what's yours.
Your parents are right and it's hard to admit
Inside. “I know, you don't have to tell me.” The urge to go to your room.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
Your mom: «I told you if you didn't study, it would go badly.»
And it went badly.
“The teacher gives impossible tests.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. An argument at the dinner table.
You shut yourself in your room.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. Nobody talks about it. It doesn't get fixed either.
“Yeah, you were right. Can you help me get organized for the next one?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Your mom is surprised and helps you.
Step by step
Admitting they were right isn't losing to your parents. It's showing that you're growing up.
Your situation
Write down a difficult situation that keeps happening in your life and isn't here, with the same parts.
Go over the step by step of one situation before bed.
Which option would you have chosen before this route?
Your plan. And what to do the day you slip again.
Finish and go to lesson 9 →Knowing what's right is easy. Doing it when your boss corrects you in front of everyone, or when your child looks at you crying after you yelled, is something else.
This lesson is a rehearsal. So that when it really happens, it isn't the first time.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
How to use this lesson
There are five situations. You can do them in order or go straight to the one that helps you most, and you can do the lesson in two sittings.
Each one has five parts: the scene, what's going on inside, the simulator, step by step and if it goes wrong.
Your boss corrects you in front of everyone
The scene. In the weekly meeting, your boss says in front of the whole team: “What you turned in has errors. I expected more from you.”
Inside. Heat in your face. Shame. Your head looks for someone to blame: “nobody gave me the information in time”. The urge to defend yourself right there, or to disappear.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
“Well, nobody sent me the data on time.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. Your boss: “This isn't the time for excuses.” Now it looks like you're blaming the team.
You stay quiet, looking annoyed.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. The meeting goes on. You spend the rest of the day stewing.
“Understood. Can you tell me the main errors so I can fix them today?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Your boss softens: “I'll send them after the meeting.”
Step by step
- In the moment: breathe. Don't explain or defend yourself in front of everyone. One short sentence that shows you listened: “Understood, I'll review it.”
- Afterward: ask to talk privately. Ask what exactly they expected. If there was a real problem (you were missing information), say it then, calmly and without blaming anyone: “Next time, I need the data on Monday.”
- The next day: fix it and deliver. What says most about you isn't what you said in the meeting, but what you did afterward.
If it goes wrong. If you already got defensive in front of everyone, find her afterward: “This morning I got defensive. You were right about the errors. I'm already fixing them.”
If the correction was humiliation (yelling, insults, repeated mockery), that's no longer your ego: it's mistreatment. You have the right to set a limit and look for support.
Your partner is right, but you didn't like the tone
The scene. Your partner says in front of your kids: “You left everything lying around again! It's always the same with you.”
Inside. “They're right about the stuff, but ‘always’? In front of the kids?” The ego wants to answer the tone and forget the content.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
“Always? What about you, who never does the dishes?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. The contest of mistakes begins. The kids go to their room.
You pick everything up in silence, banging things around.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. You didn't say a word, but everyone got the message.
“You're right, I left it out. I'll pick it up.” And later, in private: “Can we talk about how you said it? In front of the kids, it hurt.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Both things get said: your part and what bothered you.
Step by step
- In the moment: separate the content from the tone. Answer the content: “You're right, I'll pick it up.”
- Later, in private and calmly: talk about the tone. Talk about what you felt, not about what the other person is: “It hurt that it was in front of the kids,” not “you're overreacting.”
- The next day: follow through. If you said you'd change it, let it show.
If it goes wrong. If you already answered with another accusation, ask for a pause: “Let's start over. You were right about the stuff.”
The politics (or soccer) argument at the family meal
The scene. Sunday. Family meal. Your brother-in-law says something about politics (or your team) that seems absurd to you. Everyone's watching.
Inside. “I can't let that go.” You have arguments, data, and the urge to use them all.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
“That's the most ignorant thing I've ever heard.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. Now the argument is about the two of you, not the topic. The meal is ruined.
You answer with three facts and a video.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. Your brother-in-law brings out his own. Nobody changes their mind. Everyone gets tired.
“Why do you see it that way? I'm genuinely interested.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Your brother-in-law is surprised and explains more calmly. You don't agree, but you understand something you didn't before.
Step by step
- In the moment: ask yourself what you want to win: the argument or the family? If it's the family, ask before you answer.
- If you want to give your opinion: do it once, without humiliating anyone: “I see it differently, because…”. And let the other person keep thinking what they think.
- If the conversation heats up: “Let's talk about something else; today I want to enjoy the meal.”
What the evidence says. People with more intellectual humility, those who accept they might be wrong, are more willing to listen to someone who thinks differently. And that humility grows when we believe we can always learn something. (Porter & Schumann, 2018)
If it goes wrong. If you already said something hurtful, apologize for the way you said it, even if you still think the same: “I can disagree with you without treating you like that. I'm sorry.”
Someone takes credit for your work
The scene. In a meeting, a coworker presents as his own an idea you proposed weeks ago. The boss congratulates him.
Inside. Anger. Injustice. Two voices: one says “expose him in front of everyone” and the other says “say nothing, don't try to stand out”.
This situation is different. Ego isn't only wanting to shine. Sometimes ego disguised as humility makes us keep quiet about what's fair so we don't look self-interested. Asking for what's fair isn't ego. Humiliating the other person to get it is.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
“Sorry, but that idea is mine, and he knows it.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. Everyone gets uncomfortable. Even if you're right, now the topic is the fight.
You say nothing and complain to others later.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. Your work gets lost, and you feed the gossip too.
“Great that we're coming back to this. It's the proposal I sent on March 3; if you'd like, I can share the document with the details.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. It's clear whose it was, without attacking anyone.
Step by step
- In the moment: if you can, offer your authorship as information, not as an accusation.
- Afterward: talk to your coworker privately: “I was surprised you presented that idea without mentioning me. What happened?” There may be an explanation, or there may not.
- Going forward: put your ideas in writing, with a date. It's not distrust: it's being organized.
If it goes wrong. If you already exposed him angrily in front of everyone, apologize for the way, not the substance: “I was wrong in how I said it. What I said is still true.”
You yelled at your child and need to apologize
The scene. You got home tired. Your son spilled his juice for the third time. You yelled at him louder than you meant to. Now he's crying in his room.
Inside. Guilt. And a voice that says: “If I apologize, I lose authority.” Another voice says: “He has to learn to be careful too.”
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
You go in and say: “Come on, stop crying, it wasn't that bad.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. Your son learns that what he feels doesn't matter.
You say nothing and tomorrow act as if it never happened.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. Your son learns that adults don't make mistakes, or don't admit them.
You sit down next to him: “I yelled at you really loudly. I was wrong. I was tired, but that's not your fault. I'm sorry. Will you help me clean up the juice tomorrow, more carefully?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Your son hugs you.
Step by step
- In the moment: if you're still angry, wait until you calm down. An angry apology doesn't work.
- The apology: at his level, with simple words. Acknowledge what you did. Separate his mistake (the juice) from yours (the yelling).
- Afterward: think about what happened before the yelling. There's almost always tiredness, hunger or a worry behind it. That's your plan for next time.
The most important thing. Apologizing to your child doesn't take away your authority. It teaches them something they won't learn any other way: that making a mistake isn't the end of the world, and that mistakes can be repaired.
If it goes wrong. If it happened days or years ago, it's never too late. “Do you remember that time I yelled at you? I think about it. I was wrong.”
Your situation
Step 1 · Think of a difficult situation that keeps happening in your life and isn't on this list.
Step 2 · Write it with the same parts. You'll use it in lesson 9.
Choose one of the five situations (or yours) and go over the step by step before bed. If it happens tomorrow, you'll be ready.
Which of the situations is most like your life? Which simulator option would you have chosen before this route?
You already have a lot: your mirror, your disguises, your wounds, your tools and your situations.
In the next lesson you'll put it all together in a plan. A real one, with dates and names. And you'll know what to do the day you slip again, because that day will come.
Finish and go to lesson 9 →Sources for this lesson
- Porter, T. & Schumann, K. (2018). Intellectual humility and openness to the opposing view. Self and Identity, 17(2), 139–162. View source: Porter, T. & Schumann, K. (2018). Intellectual humility and openness to the opposing view. Self and Identity, 17(2), 139–162.
Lesson 8 of 10.
Almost there.
To take with youChoose one trick and use it today.
To take with youGo over the step by step of one situation before bed.
To take with youChoose one of the five situations (or yours) and go over the step by step before bed. If it happens tomorrow, you'll be ready.
What you write and your progress are saved only on this device. When you finish the lesson we add 1 to the total, without knowing who you are.