Have you ever thought that the kids from another class, another team or another neighborhood were worse, without even knowing them?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
For the adult: read together. There are no right or wrong answers. Share your own examples: «That happens to me too». Children learn who «us» is and who «them» is by listening to what we grown-ups say at the table, in the car and in front of the TV. This route will help you as much as it helps them.
Sometimes we make little teams: «us» and «them». We're the good ones. They're the weird ones, the annoying ones, the bad ones.
But when you get to know someone from «them», you find out they're a kid just like you: with a name, a family, and things they like.
We can all be on the big team 🤝.
Your mirror
The adult reads each sentence out loud.
At recess, one of Lía's friends says:
—The kids in 4B are all annoying. Don't play with them.
Everyone nods. Lía does too.
Then she remembers something.
—Martín is in 4B. And he always lends me his colored pencils.
Her friends go quiet.
Nobody really knew the kids in 4B. They only knew the name of the class.
Draw your teams ✏️
Draw a little circle with the people who are «your team». Then draw a big circle around it. Who else could you invite into the big circle?
Today you're a detective 🔍. When you hear «those kids» or «the others», ask yourself: who are they talking about? Do I know them?
Is there a group that seems «worse» to you without knowing them?
Little teams have tricks. Let's find them!
Finish and go to lesson 2 →Think of a group you don't like: kids from the other school, the rival fans, people from a certain neighborhood, people from another country. How many of them do you know by name?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
We all have a «them». It doesn't make you a bad person: everyone's mind does it. And having your team, your neighborhood or your ideas is fine.
The problem starts when the group hides the person. When «they» stop having names and become «those guys».
Hatred almost never starts with fists. It starts with a meme, a nickname, a «they're all the same».
What this route doesn't ask of you: to agree with everyone or to leave your team. Criticizing an idea isn't hating a person.
Before the mirror: answer thinking about what you did, said and thought this month.
Your mirror
Teo's class is going to play a match against the school from the next neighborhood. In the class chat, the messages start:
«Everyone from that neighborhood is a thief.»
«Watch your backpacks, lol.»
Teo sends a laughing emoji.
Then Dani writes: «My cousin goes to that school. He's top of his class».
The chat goes silent.
Nobody in the class knew anyone from that school. The group was hiding the people. Dani, without meaning to, showed them one.
Your map of «them»
1 · Think of three groups that you don't like.
2 · Finish the sentence.
Every time you say or think «them» or «those guys», notice who you're talking about.
Do you know anyone from those groups who doesn't fit what you think?
Hatred disguises itself as «it's just a joke» and «I just forwarded it».
Finish and go to lesson 2 →Think of a group of people you don't like. People from another country, the rival fans, people who vote differently, people from a certain neighborhood.
Now think: how many of those people do you know by name?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
We all have a «them»
Since childhood we divide the world into «us» and «them». My team and the other one. My neighborhood and the one over there. People from here and people from outside.
It doesn't make you a bad person: everyone's mind does it. And having a team, a neighborhood or your own ideas is fine.
The problem starts when the group hides the person. When «they» stop being people with names, stories and families, and become just one thing: «those people», «that lot», «the usual ones».
How it starts
Hatred of others almost never starts with violence. It starts with small words:
- a «they're all the same»;
- a meme forwarded «because it's funny»;
- an «I'm not racist, but…»;
- an insult at the game, in front of the kids.
None of these things seems serious. But that's exactly how hatred grows: little by little, through things that seem small.
What this route doesn't ask of you
It doesn't ask you to agree with everyone, to stop supporting your team, or to keep quiet about what you think. Criticizing an idea isn't hating a person.
It asks for something simpler and harder: to see the person behind the group. And, little by little, to make the «us» bigger.
Where it shows up
There are six moments when «them» shows up:
- How you talk about them: as if they were one single person.
- What you share: memes, news, messages.
- The words you use: the ones meant for bugs, wars or garbage.
- The jokes: accent, origin, neighborhood.
- What you learned at home: what you heard at the table as a kid.
- The wound: when what one person did to you becomes a verdict against their whole group.
Before the mirror
Answer thinking about what you did, said and thought this past month, not about who you'd like to be. Nobody else sees your answers.
Your mirror
Sunday lunch at Tita's house. They're talking about the news.
—Those people coming from outside are all the same —says Tita—. They come to take advantage.
Mara and Sam laugh. Nobody says anything.
Lía, who's 9, stops eating.
—Andrés too?
Andrés is the baker on the corner. He came from another country three years ago. Every morning, when Lía walks past on her way to school, he gives her a bread roll.
Silence.
—Well, Andrés is different —says Tita.
—And how many more are different? —asks Lía.
Nobody answers.
Tita doesn't know «those people». She knows just one person who came from outside, and that person doesn't fit what she says. The group was hiding the person from her. And her granddaughter, without knowing it, has just shown her one.
Your map of «them»
Find a quiet place.
Step 1 · Choose. Think of three groups of people who stir up rejection, distrust or dislike in you. They can be from another country, another neighborhood, another team, other ideas.
Step 2 · Write. For each one, answer:
Step 3 · Look at all three. How many times did you mark «none»? How often does what you think come from something you lived, and how often from something you heard?
Step 4 · Finish the sentence.
You'll use this in lesson 9, when you build your plan.
Every time you say or think «them», «those people» or «that lot», notice who you're talking about.
You don't have to change anything. Just notice how often it comes up.
Of your three groups, is there one where you know a person who doesn't fit what you think of the group?
Hatred almost never sounds like hatred. It sounds like «I just forwarded it», «it's a joke» or «I'm not…, but».
In the next lesson you'll meet its eight disguises. And you'll find out which ones you use.
Finish and go to lesson 2 →Lesson 1 of 10.
Great start.
To take with youToday you're a detective 🔍. When you hear «those kids» or «the others», ask yourself: who are they talking about? Do I know them?
To take with youEvery time you say or think «them» or «those guys», notice who you're talking about.
To take with youEvery time you say or think «them», «those people» or «that lot», notice who you're talking about.
What you write and your progress are saved only on this device. When you finish the lesson we add 1 to the total, without knowing who you are.