Superheroes stand up for everyone, not just the people in their neighborhood. What about you?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Your plan looks like this: «If this happens, then I'll do that». For example: «If someone makes fun of a new kid, then I'll invite him to play».
Make your plan
Your helper
Choose someone at home to help you: when they hear a «those people», they'll say a secret word (for example, «big team!») to remind you of your plan. And you can say it to the grown-ups too!
And if the little team wins again: that's okay. You make the team bigger again tomorrow.
Tell your helper about your plan.
Which part of your plan will you use first?
The last lesson!
Finish and go to lesson 10 →«Them» doesn't warn you. It shows up in the chat, at the stadium, at the table. That's why it helps to decide ahead of time.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
«If this happens, then I'll do that.» For example: «If someone says “they're all the same”, then I say “I know one who isn't”». (Gollwitzer and Sheeran, 2006)
A habit takes about two months, and missing a day doesn't ruin anything. (Lally et al., 2010)
Build your plan
Your full plan
1 · Your three «if… then». You built them above.
2 · Your bridge from lesson 7.
3 · Your ally: someone who asks you «who?» when you say «those guys».
4 · The day you slip: name it without punishing yourself, correct it if you said it in front of someone, and go back to the plan.
Tell your ally about your plan.
Which of your «if… then» will be hardest?
The last lesson. And someone wants to tell you something.
Finish and go to lesson 10 →Sources for this lesson
- Gollwitzer, P. M. and Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119. View source: Gollwitzer, P. M. and Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119.
- Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. and Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. View source: Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. and Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009.
«Them» doesn't warn you. It shows up in the chat, at the table, at the stadium, on the news.
That's why it helps to decide ahead of time what you'll do.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
«If this happens, then I'll do that»
Concrete plans work much better than good intentions. (Gollwitzer and Sheeran, 2006)
«If [something concrete happens], then I will [do something concrete].»
For example:
- «If someone says “they're all the same”, then I say “I know several who aren't”».
- «If I get a meme against a group, then I don't forward it».
- «If someone at dinner talks badly about a group, then I say something short in front of my kids».
- «If an argument turns into insults, then I go back to the idea».
You'll slip again
You'll laugh at a joke again, think «that's how they are», or say nothing. It's human: dividing is the easiest thing in the world.
A new habit takes, on average, about two months to become automatic, and skipping a day doesn't ruin the process. (Lally et al., 2010)
Build your plan
Build three sentences. Choose an option in each part or write your own.
Your full plan
1 · Your three «if… then». You built them above.
2 · Your strongest «them». Look at what you wrote in lesson 1. What will you do about it this month?
3 · Your bridge. Write your bridge from lesson 7: with whom, what you'll do together and when.
4 · Your ally. Choose someone you trust and tell them your plan. Ask them for something concrete: «If you hear me say “those people”, ask me “who?”».
5 · What they'll hear at home. Write a sentence you want your kids, or the kids around you, to hear you say about «them».
6 · The day you slip. Write what you'll do when you catch yourself in «them» again. Some help:
- Notice it without punishing yourself.
- Correct it out loud, if you said it in front of someone: «I was wrong. They're not all like that».
- Go back to your plan the next day.
Tell your ally about your plan.
Which of your «if… then» will be hardest? Why?
You've reached the last lesson. You'll look in the mirror again.
And there's someone who wants to tell you something.
Finish and go to lesson 10 →Sources for this lesson
- Gollwitzer, P. M. and Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119. View source: Gollwitzer, P. M. and Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119.
- Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. and Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. View source: Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. and Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009.
Lesson 9 of 10.
Almost there.
To take with youTell your helper about your plan.
To take with youTell your ally about your plan.
To take with youTell your ally about your plan.
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