Superheroes have a plan for when someone needs help. What about you?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Your plan looks like this: «If this happens, then I'll do that». For example: «If I see someone alone at recess, then I'll ask if they want to play».
Make your plan
Your helper
Choose someone at home to help you: when they see your antennas are off, they'll say a secret word (for example, «antennas») to remind you of your plan.
And if your antennas switch off again: that's okay. You switch them on again tomorrow.
Tell your helper about your plan.
Which part of your plan will you use first?
The last lesson!
Finish and go to lesson 10 →Nobody announces they're not okay. It happens in the chat, at recess, at the table. That's why it helps to decide ahead of time.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
«If this happens, then I'll do that.» For example: «If someone tells me “I'm fine” with a sad face, then I ask again». (Gollwitzer and Sheeran, 2006)
A habit takes about two months, and missing a day doesn't ruin anything. (Lally et al., 2010)
Build your plan
Your full plan
1 · Your three «if… then». You built them above.
2 · Your ally: someone who asks you «how are you really?».
3 · One person from your map you'll be there for this month.
4 · The day you fall short: name it without punishing yourself, go back and ask.
Tell your ally about your plan.
Which of your «if… then» will be hardest?
The last lesson. And someone wants to tell you something.
Finish and go to lesson 10 →Sources for this lesson
- Gollwitzer, P. M. and Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119. View source: Gollwitzer, P. M. and Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119.
- Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. and Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. View source: Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. and Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009.
Empathy switches off on autopilot: when you're in a hurry, tired, with your phone in your hand.
That's why it helps to decide ahead of time what you'll do.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
«If this happens, then I'll do that»
Concrete plans work much better than good intentions. (Gollwitzer and Sheeran, 2006)
«If [something concrete happens], then I will [do something concrete].»
For example:
- «If someone tells me “I'm fine” with a sad face, then I ask again».
- «If someone starts telling me something hard, then I put my phone away».
- «If I feel like giving advice, then I first ask what they need».
- «If someone shares good news, then I ask two questions».
You'll fall short again
You'll answer with your phone in your hand again, give advice too soon, or miss someone. It's human.
A new habit takes, on average, about two months to become automatic, and skipping a day doesn't ruin the process. (Lally et al., 2010)
Build your plan
Build three sentences. Choose an option in each part or write your own.
Your full plan
1 · Your three «if… then». You built them above.
2 · Your blind moments. When does your empathy switch off the most? (In a hurry, on your phone, when you're struggling, with a certain person…) Look at what you wrote in lesson 1: «It's hard for me to notice how others are doing when…».
3 · Your ally. Choose someone you trust and tell them your plan. Ask them for something concrete: «If you see me on my phone while someone is talking to me, let me know».
4 · Your people. Go back to your closeness map from lesson 1. Write the name of one person you'll make time for this month.
5 · Your own support. Write the name of someone you'll tell how you are.
6 · The day you fall short. Write what you'll do when you catch yourself not being there. Some help:
- Notice it without punishing yourself.
- Come back: «Sorry, I wasn't listening. Will you tell me again?».
- Go back to your plan the next day.
Tell your ally about your plan.
Which of your «if… then» will be hardest? Why?
You've reached the last lesson. You'll look in the mirror again.
And there's someone who wants to tell you something.
Finish and go to lesson 10 →Sources for this lesson
- Gollwitzer, P. M. and Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119. View source: Gollwitzer, P. M. and Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119.
- Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. and Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. View source: Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. and Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009.
Lesson 9 of 10.
Almost there.
To take with youTell your helper about your plan.
To take with youTell your ally about your plan.
To take with youTell your ally about your plan.
What you write and your progress are saved only on this device. When you finish the lesson we add 1 to the total, without knowing who you are.