The little green bug is sneaky: it almost never says “I'm envious”. It wears a disguise.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Six disguises
- The “that's ugly!”: says other people's things are ugly, even when it likes them.
- The “not fair!”: gets mad because someone else has something.
- The no-congratulations: stays quiet when things go well for someone else.
- The “I don't want to play”: walks away from whoever has what it wants.
- The “I have more”: shows off so it doesn't feel like less.
- The “I'll never be able to”: stops trying because someone else does it better.
Is it the bug or not?
Saying “congratulations!” when your friend wins.
Answer
🙂 It's not. That's what good friends do!
Saying someone's drawing is ugly, even though you like it.
Answer
🐛 It's the bug. It's the “that's ugly!” disguise.
Asking your friend to teach you how to do something.
Answer
🙂 It's not. That's how you learn!
Not wanting to play with the kid who has the new toy.
Answer
🐛 It's the bug. It's the “I don't want to play” disguise.
Showing off that your shoes are better.
Answer
🐛 It's the bug. It's the “I have more” disguise.
Saying “thank you” for what you have.
Answer
🙂 It's not. Saying thank you calms the bug down.
At dinner, Grandma Tita congratulates Teo, Lía's brother, on his test grade.
Lía crosses her arms: “Not fair! Nobody ever congratulates me!”
Which disguise did the bug put on?
Guess the disguise
The adult acts out a disguise and the child guesses which one it is. Then switch.
If you spot a disguise today, in you or in someone at home, say it kindly: “That was the bug!”
Which disguise does your bug use most?
Why does the bug bite us?
Finish and go to lesson 3 →Nobody says “I'm dying of envy”. We say “lol lucky you”, “I don't even care” or “he must know someone”.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Eight disguises
- The critic. “Yeah, but…”. You find the flaw in everything the other person achieves.
- The joker. You make fun of whoever stands out. “Lol, the teacher's pet.”
- The silence. You don't congratulate. You leave them on read.
- The “I don't even care”. “I didn't even want to make that team.” And you did.
- The endless scroller. You check other people's photos, likes and followers again and again.
- The “it's not fair”. Everything the other person gets seems undeserved.
- The one who gives up. “I'll never be like him.” And you stop trying.
- The one who's a little glad. When the other person fails, you feel relief.
They all come from the same sting: someone has something I want.
Envy that adds or subtracts?
Asking Dani how he trains.
Answer
Adds. You turn envy into something to learn.
Making memes about your friend's new partner.
Answer
Subtracts. You laugh so you don't feel the sting.
Feeling a sting when a friend posts a vacation photo.
Answer
It depends. Feeling it is normal. What matters is what you do next.
Unfollowing someone who makes you feel ugly.
Answer
Adds. Taking care of what you look at is taking care of yourself.
Saying your classmate did well on the test because he's the favorite.
Answer
Subtracts. You take away his credit without knowing how much he studied.
Congratulating someone with a question: “How did you do it?”
Answer
Adds. Celebrating others is good for you too.
Teo spends an hour looking at photos: a classmate at the beach, another in new clothes, another with two hundred likes. He doesn't text anyone.
He falls asleep late. The next day at school, everything seems boring.
Your two disguises
Step 1 · Mark the two disguises you use most.
Step 2 · A real example of each one: what did the other person have that you wanted?
Step 3 · What would you have said without the disguise? For example: “I was envious, and I'm happy for you.”
Congratulate someone with a question: “How did you do it?”, “How do you feel?”.
Which disguise was hardest to recognize?
Why are you envious of your best friend and not of a celebrity who has way more?
Finish and go to lesson 3 →Nobody says “I'm dying of envy”.
We say “they must have had connections”, “I don't even care” or “some people are so lucky”.
Envy almost never introduces itself by name. It wears a disguise.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Eight disguises
These are the most common. Most of us use two or three.
- The critic. “Yes, but…”. When someone does well, you find the flaw: connections, luck, it's not that big a deal.
- The silence. You don't congratulate. You act like you didn't see the news, or you answer with a flat “nice” and change the subject.
- The “I don't care”. You take value away from what you want: “I didn't even want that job.” Sometimes it's true. Often, it isn't.
- The endless scroller. You check again and again what others have or do. You don't write, you don't comment: you just look and compare.
- The “it's not fair”. Everything someone else gets seems undeserved. You keep track of what everyone receives.
- The one who gives up. “I'll never be as good as them.” You stop trying something because someone else does it better.
- The one who competes at everything. Every achievement of someone else is a challenge: if they ran ten kilometers, you run twelve. Not for fun, but so you don't fall behind.
- The one who's a little glad. When someone you envy gets something wrong, you feel a small relief. Sometimes you tell others with a worried face.
What they have in common
All eight come from the same sting: someone has something I want. Some attack the other person, some hide and some give up.
None of them brings you closer to what you want. They only take you further from the person.
Envy that adds or subtracts?
Asking a coworker how they got the promotion.
Answer
Adds. You turn envy into information for your own path.
Telling others the promotion was because they're friends with the boss.
Answer
Subtracts. You bring the other person down without getting any closer to anything.
Feeling a sting when a friend buys a house.
Answer
It depends. Feeling it is human. What decides it is what you do next.
Unfollowing someone who makes you feel less.
Answer
Adds. Taking care of what you look at isn't weakness.
“I didn't even want to go on that trip.” (and you did)
Answer
Subtracts. You take value away from what you want so you don't feel you lost it.
Starting to save after seeing your brother bought a car.
Answer
It depends. If it's your goal, it adds. If it's so you don't fall behind, it's a race that never ends.
Congratulating someone with details and questions.
Answer
Adds. Celebrating others is good for you too.
Not helping a coworker because “they're doing well enough already”.
Answer
Subtracts. Their success takes nothing away from your help.
The “it depends” ones are the hardest: the same sting can lead you to grow or to compete without end. What decides it is why you do it.
A friend of Mara's posts that she finished her master's degree. Two hundred congratulation comments.
Mara sees it in the morning. She doesn't comment. In the afternoon she sees it again. She doesn't comment then either.
At night she tells Sam: “I could have a master's too if I didn't have to work so much.”
Mara loves her friend. But that day, she didn't write to her.
Your two disguises
Step 1 · Choose. Of the eight disguises, mark the two you use most.
Step 2 · A real example of each. Who was it with? What did you say or do? What did you really want?
Step 3 · Find the sting. For each example, write what the other person had that you wanted. Sometimes it's hard to find: the disguise is made precisely to hide it.
Step 4 · One honest sentence. Write what you would have said without the disguise. For example: “I was envious of your promotion. And I'm happy for you.”
When you see someone's good news (in person or online), congratulate them with a question: “How do you feel?”, “How did you do it?”.
Which disguise was hardest to recognize? Why do you think you use it?
Why do we envy our best friend and not a millionaire we don't know?
In the next lesson you'll understand where envy comes from. And why we feel that if someone else does well, we do worse.
Finish and go to lesson 3 →Lesson 2 of 10.
Great start.
To take with youIf you spot a disguise today, in you or in someone at home, say it kindly: “That was the bug!”
To take with youCongratulate someone with a question: “How did you do it?”, “How do you feel?”.
To take with youWhen you see someone's good news (in person or online), congratulate them with a question: “How do you feel?”, “How did you do it?”.
What you write and your progress are saved only on this device. When you finish the lesson we add 1 to the total, without knowing who you are.